Shhh

palatino;”>I have four brothers, a dad, a husband, two nephews, a hoard of guy cousins and one of my two best friends happens to be a guy too. One would think I would have learnt a thing or two about men in general… yet I have found myself whining about men one way or the other throughout my life. Honestly, to think I still don’t know about guys would be me telling myself a big fat lie. I guess that’s a lie we all tell ourselves! Yes, Ladies it’s time to own up and here is a list of all the things we knows about guys (but pretend not to anyway).

palatino;”>Men are just not capable of thinking on the number of levels women can. So while you’re indulging in a supremely complicated plot of ‘If I do this, he will think this and then I’ll have to do this which may lead to this or that and if it leads to this then that or that than this’, the guy’s probably just wondering what’s for dinner. Enjoy the simplicity of that and THANK GOD that they are far simpler a beings.

palatino;”>’Kiya matlab NOTHING! There must be SOMETHING!’ Yes Sisters! You have this one wrong too and you know it. Unlike us ladies who can mean at least 5 different things at the same time with one small NOTHING depending on how much we’re gritting our teeth, Men usually mean Nothing when they say nothing. ‘What’s bothering you?’ Nothing. Heeeeeinnnn? The sooner you get this the better, it is very likely that he is not bothered and nothing is the most accurate description of the current state of affairs NOT the opening line for an upcoming argument.

palatino;”>Often I’ve found myself being severely upset for something or the other, as a wave of self pity washes over me and tears well up, I normally hear a voice inside my head, my own voice, saying ‘*Sniff* how could he not know?!? If he loved me he would have known’ Ummm talk about being dellusional. Him not knowing is not an indicator of how little he cares – Very simply stated he is not you, he has no crystal ball, he has no sixth sense so technically he has no way to figure out what’s in your head especially when you’ve barely figured out what you’re thinking yourself.

palatino;”>When you go Boohoo-ing to your boy at the end of the day ‘I hate my work’ and he says ‘Baby why don’t you quit’ whyyyy are you upset with him?? You told him a problem and he gave you a solution. That’s what men do (or like to do). The problem is, we speak two different languages. When I say I had a horrid day at work the answer I want is ‘Oooooh my baby’s tired let me help you with this, why don’t you sit down, I’m so proud of you’ You want indulgence not a solution. Your superman on the other end is hardwired to come to your rescue and eliminate the problem from the root. Cut him some slack.

palatino;”>Imagine a universe where men liked going shopping, dancing, gossip and chaat! Really?!? You know that if your man loved all this you’d probably be OD-ed on him. So relax, it’s actually a GOOD thing that you can have your great individuals lives as well as a fabulous one together. Honestly, If I hear another woman say ‘Ufffff he doesn’t like going shopping’ Well woman! Then stop taking him shopping na. It’s really not that complicated.

palatino;”>Have you ever seen a man reading an instruction manual?? I haven’t. So don’t act like one in his life. I mean seriously, men like figuring things out… It makes them feel more ‘man’… I guess. So when you waltz in providing the ‘better way to do things’ do not be surprised if he snaps. Really?!? Could you not steal his thunder? Could you not snatch away his ‘I figured this without instructions’ moment??

palatino;”>So. Most men will either be Happy, Angry or Hungry. There is usually not much grey there. You on the other hand could be feeling soapy, sniffly, cuddly etc etc. Yes, they’re that simple. If you say something like ‘Are you melancholic’ chances are your man won’t get it – AGAIN you know this already. So in a world complicated enough, enjoy the simple joys of life.

palatino;”>’I woke up and it was so hot so then I went to the loo blah blah blah blah then I had to go out blah blah blah but she told me blah blah blah… how was your day?’ ‘Good’. Kiyaaa! Most men do not like talking as much as you. Men tend to forget the details. Men also don’t find small things important enough to repeat SO if you end a 30 minute summary of your day and all your man has to say about his day is ‘Good’ it’s a win win. You get more time to explain and he gets more time to pretend to be interested when he’s not.

palatino;”>’KIYOUN why can’t you hang out with me!?!’ Because I can’t use the MCBC words around you, because you don’t find fart jokes funny, because I need a BREAK!!! Yes. I hate to tell you what you know already, but you may be the center of his universe but you are not his universe. Let him fly. Being away at work all day is NOT fun so he needs an evening out, give it to him and stop being a pain.

palatino;”>How do I look in this dress?!? Am I looking beautiful?!? Is my hair ok?!? You never compliment me?!? Oh for crying out loud. Get over yourself!! When was the last time you complimented him on something he did?!? or just how he looks or what he’s wearing. You know you’re far stingy with compliments than him so next time you’re about to start whining… do unto others as you would have them do to you’ 😛

palatino;”>You know those times when you ask him how you’re looking and he cringes and says you look hot and you know he’s lying. Well he is. And you know it. AND that’s a good thing. Why would you want to hear a lie anyway. Allow your man the room to be comfortably honest lying just does not come as easily to men as it does to the fairer sex.

palatino;”>Yes Ladies! You may find yourself patting your back when you win small battles like he’s finally started picking up his clothes behind him etc BUT let it be known once and for all, YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. Whatever change you see, is at best a fleeting phase or the poor guys mortal fear of your potential out lash, appreciate it as just that ‘him making an effort’ and get over your high horse!

palatino;”> Ali Samee Sadaf Zarrar

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Written by Sadaf Zarrar
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