Believe it or not, but marriages nowadays literally have shelf lives, and even though the Pakistani culture does not deem divorce appropriate but more and more couples cite irreconcilable differences, lack of chemistry, zero understanding and compromise, mental and emotional abuse and in some cases, physical abuse as well and walk away from each other.
However, couples that do stay together watch romance and love eventually fade away, thus becoming a distant memory. You don’t say “I Love You” to each other anymore, there are minus cuddles and snuggles or any alone time, and when you talk to your friends and family, the standard answer is that, we all face ups and downs in marriage.
The truth is that, despite all odds, you’ve stayed in the marriage and want to revive love and passion, and re-strengthen your bond with your partner, so how do you rekindle that beautiful feeling called love? How do you find your way back to being passionate and romance with your partner?
Here are 10 practical, tried and tested ways to bring that spark back in your marriage and rekindle all those mushy and fuzzy feelings.
OPEN YOUR HEART AND MIND
This is the first and foremost step to reviving love in your marriage. Council yourself why you are doing this and what you want to get out of this. You have to weigh the pros and cons and ward off the negative energy. Just don’t get in stuck between emotions and logic, and do what you feel makes your heart happy.
LIST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU USED TO LOVE ABOUT THEM
Take a pen and list down all the fabulous things that you used to love about your partner. Remember how sweet they were, the big or small gestures that they used to make for you, the adorable things that they used to say to you, write them down. You’re setting your plan in motion with this step because remembering will remind you why you wanted to be with them in the first place.
AVOID BEING CRITICAL
We say things to each other that might have hurt a lot, and they never apologised for it. Your partner still is harsh and bitter towards you, but don’t let that get in the way and bother you. We often become unconsciously critical of everything our partner does, from the way they talk to the chew etc, so avoid criticising them. There are ways to saying what you feel is not right.
LET GO OF THE PAST HURT
Let the past stay in the past, what happened then should not affect your today. Whatever happened then should be a lesson for you to not do, hear or say things that can tarnish your present (since you’ve decided to stick in the relationship). Don’t forget, but let go.
YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT A WWE MATCH
You see yourselves heading towards a spat, TAKE TIME OUT, but take those boxing gloves off. Don’t offend or defend each other and talk about the issue at hand when you’re feeling so overwhelmed.
In the process of making your relationship work, don’t forget to take care of your self, also when it comes to your looks, and most importantly, your mental health. Find time for your friends, fitness, and things that make you happy. Scheduling ME time is not being selfish, it’s a necessity.
MAKE GESTURES THAT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ONCE ENJOYED
Revisit the things that you and your partner loved doing together. Whether it was leaving little notes for him in the bathroom, or surprise him/her with a gift or dinner, even expressing your feelings to just cuddling with them, are steps towards reigniting love.
START MAKING PLANS TOGETHER
Plan a weekend getaway, or a vacation – anything that you start planning together is a step towards improvement because it means that you are ready to do things together as a team working towards one goal. So whether its a vacation planning, financial planning or just planning dinner for the fam jam, do it together.
TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS
Don’t shy away from talking to each other about your problems. Tell each other what works and what doesn’t, what needs to worked upon and what should be changed. You can’t be in a perfect relationship but you can try to come up with a plan that will mutually benefit the two of you.
Intimacy ins’t necessarily passion and zest, honestly, it’s a good way to feeling closer to your partner, but don’t forget to give them that smile, or kiss in the moment. Intimacy is cuddling, holding hands, hugging each other whispering sweet nothings, keep the fun and excitement alive.