Pain is a part of life, and whoever was caught in a stampede of pain and tried running away from it, got hurt. The thing is that, forgiveness doesn’t come easy to any of us, because we’re all wired in a different way of dealing with pain. So, we end up doing one these two things, we either forgive and forget, or we don’t forgive and hold on to the anguish that comes with it. Clearly the latter has more repercussions, therefore it’s always advisable to forgive and heal yourself because #selflove is the greatest love, right? But before we learn to forgive, we must know what we mean by forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget what or who hurt you, it doesn’t mean that you announce to the other person that you’ve forgiven them, forgiveness doesn’t mean that all is well and that there is nothing to resolve now, forgiveness certainly doesn’t mean that whoever hurt you should continue to remain a part of your life (considering what and how everything transpired between you and them).
FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOURSELF. Yes, it’s so very hard, it’s gut-wrenching and God knows how many times I’ve found myself in a situation where I have had to forgive people and let them in, but I also know that it was something that I had to do for myself and have had to reevaluate the questions “do I need to forgive?”. The answer has always been a YES, but interestingly HOW?
So, here’s the deal. If and when you’ve decided to forgive someone, find yourself a good time and place and gather your thoughts. You need to heal, so these 5 steps might help you to forgive even it feels like the end of the world.
YOU DON’T NEED TO, BUT YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE
Sounds like a bummer, but amidst those million teary-eyed and sleepless nights, you need to forgive the other person for YOURSELF because the anger in you costs the other person nothing, but you EVERYTHING. So, you have to let go of your anger and the fear that holds you back, and work these issues inside of you. Broken crayons colour too and remind yourself that you are taking the first step towards healing. So just breathe and let go.
THINK OF YOUR HAPPY PLACE
One of the techniques that helps me move towards positivity is the happiness I used to feel before that person hurt me. People who are the closest to you can only hurt you, so you rethink and reconnect with them through the bond you shared with them prior to the incident. Your mind will be tuned to repeatedly think about what happened and you may find yourself resisting the process of forgiveness, but you have to also look inside you and that happy place as you release and strip that person of the power of causing you any more hurt.
OPEN UP YOUR HEART
I often think about the times that have caused me to be this person that I am today, because pain reshapes you and your perspective, but the downside is that it also hardens the shell around your heart. So what do you do? As much as hard it is, you have to soften this organ by opening it up for the other person. The unhealthy anger that holds your heart should be released, opening up your heart is like a embracing hope and letting yourself feel human and free.
Nowadays, we’re more about calming and breathing techniques and meditating. So, when you’re unable to do see the light at the end of the tunnel, and finding it hard to accept the process of forgiveness, download the app CALM. It is one of most trending health app to MEDITATE, RELAX and SLEEP. I’ve been using it and it has categories and types of sounds that you can choose from to give yourself the much needed break from the noise in your heart and mind. Just don’t be skeptical, and let the program bring its effect on you. CALM
REFLECT AND REDISCOVER YOURSELF
This one’s tried and tested. I often sit with myself and assess what all went wrong, the high and the low. So, when you’re aware of the wounds around you, you become understanding and a bit patient towards people around you. As the pain passes, you don’t realize but you unconsciously go through a reflection period where you rediscover parts of you that you once felt. Personally I know for a fact that I’ve become stronger, that I can get through the crass times, and that I can be happier around people ONLY WHEN I FORGIVE AND ALLOW MYSELF TO HEAL.
Lastly, not everybody finds themselves in situations where they can forgive because not all situations demand this initially, however with time, when it is you who is being affected more than the situation or the person who caused the pain, you realise that it’s better to let the healing take place so YOU can move on towards a happier time.
It all begins with you deep inside!