Giving birth is an experience exclusive to mothers. Nobody can share the pain and pleasure but there is a lot that new moms may end up hearing and feel about it. Where there a lot of things that are true like the word love has a whole new meaning to it and you start appreciating the right people in your life, but new moms need to know that its not only just about beautiful photographs and warm snuggles.
I personally feel that expecting mothers should be told about what motherhood is actually like instead of forcing societal pressures like “pehle saal may bacha paida karlo” and sugar coating the whole experience. Because when the child comes into the world, new moms do get flustered.
I have 3 kids now, however when I was becoming expecting, I’d want to hear these few things that I’d tell my daughter. Here’s a reality check for new moms. Also, here’s a list of products a new mom needs.
POST-PARTUM DEPRESSION IS NOT HERESAY
Yes, new moms you may read a lot about postpartum depression now. But do you know what is the reaction to it in the desi households? Haey haey bacha honay per khush nahin ho? Na shukri mat karo. Maa ke kadmon may janat hai, new moms hear.
Getting diagnosed with PPD in our society is like a crime. But never let this stop you from seeking help. You should discuss it (with people who understand!) and get proper attention plus treatment. You will want to cry, your body will ache, you might not even bond or like your child much but that’s ok. You’re not mentally ill, you and your body just went through a life altering experience.
THE SUPPLY OF YOUR BREAST MILK IS A NATIONAL
The moment you start nursing your baby you will get to hear everything from the relation of breast size with milk supply (absolute rubbish), the effect of how you consume food, and the quantity of milk your body is making! The know-all gentry will comment on every single thing about it. If your baby is crying after a nursing session-your fault, if he has gastric issues- your diet is to be blamed, if he did not passes a stool-you are guilty, and God forbade if he/she passes two or more stools- you..! yes you drank too fast and too much of water. Let it all go.
YOU WILL BE DISCRIMINATED FOR YOUR CHOICE OF DELIVERY
If you had a C-section you are a hot target for getting discriminated for not being able to deliver naturally. There could be a plethora of reasons for which a woman undergoes a C-section or it could simply be elective. By no means it gives authority to any other person to make you feel bad for this. Just shut them up the very first time and ignore forever.
YOU’LL HEAR A LOT OF “BUT IT’S ALL WORTH IT, BETA”
Listen, your pain is real, the situation you went through was harrowing, every new mom has a different birth experience and nobody can understand the kind of experience you’re willing to go through for your child and yet when some aunty at your MIL’s kitty party said that “it’s all worth it, beta”sort of makes a lot of new moms guilty for stating their feelings. Like am I not allowed to wallow or talk about my pain? People in general don’t let you be and you will hear that from the next person.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD
You cannot do it alone even if you’re raising a solo child but you’re a first time mom and you want to prove it to yourself more than anyone that you’re a good mom, which you are. However, you cannot do it alone and we all need help which can come in any form. You will need a break from the same routine, from bathing, milking, pooping and cleaning.
YOUR BABY IS YOUR BOSS
Yes, it’s true whether anybody tells you or not. No matter how many podcasts you heard or talks you listened to about setting your child in a routine to make things easier, your baby’s going to be your boss and you will have to follow his/her schedule. It’s a 24 hour job forever; they’ll fix your eating schedule, when you can bathe, relax and have a cup of coffee. They are your CEO’s.